PERMASMIRK
It's like Thomas Keller Meets Ron Jeremy
16 May 2008
My Chowder is Calamine Lotion Pink. This is a Problem.

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Aside from my apologies for once again neglecting this space, I hope you will permit me one confession.

Remember way back when I started this blog? I told you pretty much straight up that I was NOT a chef, or even a food writer.

But some of you wont listen.

I get emails. Calls. In the middle of the night, even. Food questions. How do I make snickerdoodles? What should I do with this egg yolk?

(Answer: You follow a recipe, and B, you eat jeez.)

And it's not like I Focus Group this shit, folks. I pretty much do what, I assume, most food writers do. I just kind of make stuff up.Sure, I test, and usually I wont post a recipe until I've made a dish at least two or three times and am comfortable with the proportions and the cooking times and all of that.

But, yes. If you call me, and I tell you over the phone how to make a citrus curd from the yolk left over from your egg-white-only breakfast, it's a safe bet that I am pulling the recipe out of my "secret" file. My lack of concern for your safety might be justified by my contempt for your diet.

Anyway, these are two soups that I've made over the last couple of weeks, when the colder weather didn't seem like it was ready to let go. Perhaps my last two winter soups:

Quickie Clam Chowder

Salt is good. Pork is good. It stands to reason that "salt pork" should be even better. And it is. The trouble is, I didn't realize that, traditionally, you remove the crackly bits once the fat has rendered and eat them quietly in the corner. I left them in.

Also, potato. Unless I want a straight-up baked potato, I go with the Yukon Gold. They just taste a little better, more buttery and less mealy. But, again, that's a matter of preference.

Hence, the rather disquieting pink hue. But it was still good.

3 ounces salt pork. cut up into 1/4-inch pieces. Bacon is a worthy substitute, but, dude, use the salt pork.
3 Fist-Sized Yukon Gold potatoes or 2 Russets, peeled and cubed
1 Medium onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
3 cups whole milk
2 "small" cans or one big can of clams, preferably packed in oil
scallions and oyster crackers, for garnish.

The method here is pretty straightforward. Place the salt pork in your large soup-making vessel over medium-low heat and allow the fat to render. The "lean" bits should be the consistency of Bacos. This should take a couple of minutes.

Once the fat renders out, there should be about 2 or 3 tablespoons, you can remove the crunchy bits. Me, I prefer to leave them in.

Place the onions in the pot, and cook until translucent. You don't need to add salt here. Trust me.

Add the garlic and potato and turn the heat to medium/medium-high. You don't want the pork-fat to smoke. Stir frequently until the potato cubes are soft.

Stir in the milk, slowly, and bring to a strong simmer.

Start mashing after about ten minutes while simmering. Eventually, it will take on the consistency you desire.

Now, kill the heat and fold in the clam meat. You can add as much or as little of the liquid in the can as you want. The more you add, the potentially stronger the mix will be, but also may impart a greasy flavor. So go easy.

Potato and Fontina [TAOC] Soup

This was a soup that my friend Rachel called me about one night. She wanted potato soup, but cheeze soup at the same time. And it had to taste good. On the phone I suggested something very much like this. For the record, this was the first time I made it. I liked the taste a LOT, though.

A lot of cheeze soups use a bechamel base, and, well, I've never cared much for them when prepared at home. It just tastes grainy, especially with leftovers when the cheese cools off. But this soup, obviously, is thickened by potato starch, so the only trick is to make sure to simmer the cheeze for a while.

1 medium onion, chopped
2 carrots, peeled and chopped
2 ribs celery, chopped
2 T butter or olive oil
2 cloves garlic
3 Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and chopped
4 Cups chicken broth
8 ounces fontina cheese. grated. (opt for sharp cheddar if you are feeling proletarian)
Again, simple soup.

Heat the cooking fat in your soup pot over medium-low heat and add the onion, garlic, carrots and celery. Add a pinch of salt, and cook until softened.

Add the potatoes, and cook until soft.

Add the broth, bring to a boil, and cook for about ten minutes, stirring occasionally.

Mash the potatoes to achieve the consistency you want, and remember, you are adding cheese here.

Turn the heat to low, and add the cheese, SLOWLY. About a quarter-cup at a time. Make sure the cheese is completely melted before adding another batch.

Serve!


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My Chowder is Calamine-Lotion Pink. This is a Problem
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